Most marriage problems can be analyzed and understood very simply. Most of them are like those of Bill and Kim:

She wants intimacy (the belief is that she is separated from her Good)

He wants freedom (the belief is that he is trapped without his Good)

They fight over money and time (the belief that there is lack of their Good)

The chief symptom in marital problems is the Power Struggle. All power struggles are over these three false beliefs.

Marital conflicts are God’s gift to us for our personal growth. The marital crisis is an invitation to spiritual awareness. Each partner feels like a victim and blames the other for this painful experience. Each partner is fear-motivated in their power struggling. Each partner was drawn into this relationship through falling in love or some kind of security motivation, but each partner brought their "story" baggage and false belief system with them. Now this crisis demands that each examine himself or herself by ceasing to try to change and manipulate the other. No one can change anyone else. Self-change is the way that growth proceeds.

Every couple made a "deal" when they got married. The deal that they unconsciously agreed upon is "You make me happy, and I will make you happy, maybe. You take responsibility for my unhappiness and I will take responsibility for yours, maybe." This "deal" is a non-spiritual deal. It does not work. When the marital crisis arrives, the deal is exposed. There is hurt, betrayal, anger, and various manipulative attempts to distance and exit the relationship. The pressure to leave is as strong as the degree of self-deception about who is at fault. The story is at fault, not the partners. Story analysis is very important in this crisis. If the story is not recognized and analyzed, it will recur later in more drastic symptoms. Spiritual awareness is necessary. Life will not work otherwise. Some marriage "deals" go sour in weeks, some in months, some in years, some never. But the price is always there in symptoms of some kind. Spiritual self-unawareness has a built in "penalty." It is not punishment from God; this "penalty" is the offer of true self-realization and happiness. Codependency is not union because it skips over the inner condition of conflict and dividedness. True union is a result of enlightenment not manipulation. You are not a victim of marriage; you are a victim of spiritual ignorance. Marital pain is the path to spiritual awakening for most people.